Thursday, September 15, 2005

True Story:

"Why Macy's Cleans Their Floors At Odd Hours"

I was at Macy's the other day checking out pots and pans. The salesman came up to me and told me about a set on sale for $99. marked down from $300. It was EXACTLY what I had been looking for to replace our teflon bare pans! I said let me go call my husband. A hundred bucks is still a hundred bucks, right? So Denny and I decided to get them. I went back and grabbed a box with a small saute pan to add to the boxed set on sale. I stood before the display and grabbed the larger box underneath. At one point I noticed that the display was shifting a tad. All the pots and pans were displayed along with glass (glass being the operative word here) jars filled with gourmet mustards and sauces. Other 'glass' jars were filled with rice and pasta ... well rice for sure... and I think the other was pasta.....
As I said... I noticed the display began to shift... in s-l-o-w m-o-t-i-o-n.... you know how that is? You have time to envision the inevitable end? The disaster at hand?
The crash was awesome! Rice and gourmet sauces...EVERYWHERE. It was hard to decipher which was louder... the SCREAM of the salesgirl nearby... or the actual crash!
Sheesh a ma neesh I thought... even in the midst of this... CALM DOWN! As we all know... I am not exactly a low keyed person once prompted in the direction of excitement. Yet... I still felt the salesgirl was a bit premature. I mean, the items had not fully landed!
'DON'T MOVE!!' exclaimed the salesgirl as she surveyed the final damage.
Meanwhile the clerk who had first talked me into getting the pots and pans had arrived at the scene.
"Why didn't you ask me to get them for you?" he said with mournful regret.
Keep in mind... I am still standing there... remembering the salesgirls cry of 'DON'T MOVE!', holding the boxes in place against the display. I am sort of wondering how long I must stand in this position.
The salesgirl begins yelling at all wanna be passers by..."DON'T COME THIS WAY!! GO AROUND... THERE IS RICE ALL OVER THE FLOOR... IT IS 'VERY' DANGEROUS!!!"
Naturally... EVERYONE... from far and wide in the whole store was curious at this point.
I had to move... ya know? Just how long was I to stand in that weird position?....I did... and the final jar of mustard... flew to the ground, splattering everywhere the sauces and rice and what not, had missed.
"NOOOO000000ooooo!' I heard the salesgirl exclaim... adding to the drama. "DON'T WALK ON THE FLOOR... THERE IS RICE 'EVERYWHERE ... AND 'GLASS!"
"STAY THERE!" she redirected her attention back to me.
Hummm I thought after another 3-4 minutes... am I to stay in this spot 'forever'? I decided to break another one of her newly set rules and tip toed ever so carefully onto the carpet.
"OK then", I said, "Well I would still like the pots and pans"
"Come this way", said the salesman, who had first helped me, as he quite gingerly picked up the boxes from still another display. (I think they must get a commission)
I was glad to get out of there needless to say.
As I left I could still hear the salesgirl directing potential traffic... "STOP!... DON'T COME DOWN THIS WAY... GO A-R-O-U-N-D!!"
When I went home I went through my cupboards, gathered up all the worn pots and pans in question and replaced them with my shiny new set! Awesome! I made a couple eggs for Denny and they were fabulous!
What can I say... I have never been graceful and never been a dancer... I am exercising though and I think I heard or read somewhere that makes one more sure on their feet and clears ones head!

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