Tuesday, October 04, 2005

36x48 oil on canvas
Denny and I were high school sweethearts. We found each-other after 30 years. We are working on a book about our amazing and romantic tale.

Miracles do happen...

I wrote this poem way before we got back together. A lot of the poems I post of sadness are from the time I was not with Denny and missed him. We have been married for 8 years TOMORROW! I still write and post my sad poems. People used to comment about the fact that all of my paintings felt sad to them... and asked my why... I would say, "What is interesting about happy?" I still think that is true to a point. Who doesn't love a beautiful tragedy? It's romantic and perplexing. I am not sad anymore like this poem written so long ago. But there are moments, and everyone has them. There are also flowers and blue skies with big white puffy clouds to remind us that everything has it's place and is actually in perfect time.

"Me Without You"

In all my dreams
I never imagined me without you.
I wandered through my life
and I would always see you.
I counted on your timing
your smile
you caught my soul
and found me off guard.
Must you still lean on my soul?
Pull my insides
'til I lose all control?
and then...
take what becomes a prize to me
and leave me so alone?

Such an expense I paid
finding me without you.
I am off balance
I can hardly breath.
I never included the outcome
of your leaving...
leaving me without you.
I am a broken container.
I bare no excuse.
I cannot stand on my feet
nor hide my despair.
I am the tear in my own eye.
nowhere to start again
no step to begin.
The smell of emptiness
is a smell I cannot bare
a room so vacant.
I loath myself
that I should fall apart so.
As if you were the only person
to verify my breathing
the only cure
to my lapses of continuity
Every part of me
has taken a separate direction.
I awake in the night
alone and empty.

There is nothing more alone
than to wake in the middle of the night
no one to reach out for
no comfort to find.

I am afraid that I will wake
and there will be
nothing left of me.
A collection of clutter
or a speck in your eye
an after thought.
Reflections that find me
so un-groomed.
Little squares of reason
tiles on the floor.
Ushered in are spokesmen
to declare
part of what I already know.
On every corner
there is sadness
we all know.
In every person
on every occasion
a dimmer glow.
Should it trivialize my ache?
In all my dreams
I never imagined
without you.

1 comment:

Jessica Klarkson said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.